did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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