Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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