somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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