Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
