can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
