My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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