I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
