so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
