my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
