In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
