i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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