Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
