I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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