i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
