so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well I can't set my house on fire every night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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