I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
