also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All the doctor said was why
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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