dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
