Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
