Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
