Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
