Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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