Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
