Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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