Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
