my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
