R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize