seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There r osticjed everywhere
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
