The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
