I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
