this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
