I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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