I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont even know how to be here
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
