My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
