I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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