you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
