Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
