dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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