Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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