I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize