don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
