ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
