well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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