I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
