wrigley field is MILF paradise
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
