piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
