Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
