i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
