At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
