You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
