He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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