I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
do nipples grow back?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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