The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
