he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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