i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
