as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
