Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
