You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Farmville is her only friend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
