im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize