i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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