Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
