True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am spending my child support on dildos
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
