Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
