I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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