It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
