i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
