I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
