i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
