even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
